The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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