So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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