Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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