i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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