my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
