Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
