You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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