Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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