if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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