I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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