Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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