omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
