I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
