She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
