Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
