all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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