he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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