No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
