Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
