Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
