My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
