omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"