apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.