There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him