What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
