dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hippo gnu deer
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
