Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
