New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
