He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?