If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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