i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
