Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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