dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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