What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
