Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am naked and annoyed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
