Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
