I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
