I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
this hospital has no fireball
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
