apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
