did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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