dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
