WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
