I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
