I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
