He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
