i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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