I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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