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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
