The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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