There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
