Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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