I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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