my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
