i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
