hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
