This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
