I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
