all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
