found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
