It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
