I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
