A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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