WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
