to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
