he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
