is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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