and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
