Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
