Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
