She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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