i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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