I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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