At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
