i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
