my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
