you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
