She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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