I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
