May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm experimenting with sincerity
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
