Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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