Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
